PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
