you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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