The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He kissed a someone with a penis
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
