Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
