And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
