she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
