Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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