It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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