my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
