I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
