Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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