i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
