I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
