You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
