I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
