im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
