You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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