We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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