I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My dick has a subreddit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
