I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
