dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
