I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
