I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
