I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Randomize
