Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
