; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
