He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
