you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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