I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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