Are you guys doing anything tonight?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
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Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?