why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
