I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
