My first STD was from a foam party
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
