no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
