He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
