Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
