I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I can text with my tongue
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
