is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
