Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
