rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
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Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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