i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
