I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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