in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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