Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
