i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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