dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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