Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
