how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
