Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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