I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
