I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
