dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
