Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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