We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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