Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
