All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
