3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
