Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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