No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
