hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
