I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
