He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
