Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
