She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
