just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
