Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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