the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
