I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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