Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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