pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
