Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
