My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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