can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
