Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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