Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
