She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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