im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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