I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
