I bet he comes in French.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
