I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
