His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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